You can’t control everything, but you can control the things you can. I said that not long ago without really meaning to. It struck me as a bit embarrassing, the way I’d phrased it, but the more I tried to edit it, the more I liked the original. I suppose it reminds me of the Serenity Prayer everyone’s grandmother used to have cross-stitched in her bathroom, kitchen, or entryway. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference…”

Yes, there’s a focus there on accepting what we can’t change. There’s the same amount of focus, however, on changing the things we can. Sometimes we forget that. We’re so distracted by the things we can’t entirely control that we start thinking we can’t do even the parts we do have control over. 

Baby Elephants & the Power Of Training

You may remember the story of the circus elephant who as a baby was chained to a steel pole in the concrete. Over and over, it pulled against the chain to no avail, until it finally learned that it wasn’t going anywhere. Years later, as a full-grown elephant, its trainers tied a simple rope around one leg and hooked the other end to a wooden stake stuck in the soil. The stake wouldn’t hold a cat, let alone an elephant, but after so many years it had come to believe that it was chained down. It never even tested the rope. 

The story may not be literally true. (I’m a poet and financial writer, not an elephant trainer.) The lesson, however, is very much legit. We are trained by events, perceptions, and sometimes even other people, to recognize and often accept our own limits and shortcomings. We’re taught not to test the rope.

Sometimes that’s OK. Do you ever realize your foot is on the brake long before you’ve consciously realized someone’s about to run in front of you from the sidewalk? Have you ever stopped yourself from making a comment to a co-worker or loved one, and been thankful afterwards that you had the sense to shut up in time? Maybe you’ve learned not to drink at parties because of how often you’ve embarrassed yourself after loosening up a bit too much. Not all limits are bad. We should learn from our past. 

Other times, though, we learn the wrong lessons. We come to believe that we can’t eat better or exercise more – it’s just not going to happen. We “learn” that we’re not attractive enough to deserve romantic attention or not smart enough to make the right kinds of new friends, even though those things aren’t actually true. Worst of all, we think we’ve learned that we’re not the type of person to have a practical personal or household budget we actually use. We don’t make enough or have enough time or energy or whatever to actually get our debt under control and improve our credit history. We can’t spend less money or keep track of where it all goes. Other people may take more effective control of their personal or family finances, but not us. We can’t. It’s all we can do just to get by, keep up, hang on. 

We can’t. Our leg is chained to a spike, after all. That’s just how it’s always been. 

Time For a Money Makeover 

Now let’s not get too freaked out by my use of “makeover.” Yes, a makeover can be a dramatic, major revision of something – the tax code, the interior of a building, or a curriculum. A complete money makeover might be a great thing for many of us. I’m not against it, certainly. 

But anytime a professional helps you with your hair or makeup, that’s a makeover. When someone with a little more experience helps you work on your car or upgrade your computer, that’s a makeover. Honestly, a decent salesperson at the department store who suggests a color or pattern you wouldn’t normally have considered, and it works for you, has helped you with a makeover. A money makeover doesn’t have to be revolutionary. It can be evolutionary and accomplish just as much. Sometimes it’s actually better that way. 

I’m under no illusions about how difficult things are right now for many of us. As I write this, unemployment is expiring, evictions are about to increase, and it’s not at all clear when or if another stimulus check will be coming.

And yet, here I am talking about a personal money makeover for you this year. This month, actually. Honestly, it’s best if it starts no later than this weekend. Why? Because maybe you can’t control everything, but you can control the things you can. The best time to take more effective control of your finances is before everything around you goes completely bonkers. That ship, for many of us, has sailed. But the second best time is right now, while it’s still pretty wonky. 

So what might that look like?

One of the easiest mistakes to make with our financial efforts is believing if we can’t fix it all by sundown, it’s pretty much pointless. That’s simply not true. It’s not always about the size of each change so much as the consistency and persistence you apply.

Here’s Step #1 in my mind:

Commit yourself to 30 – 45 minutes twice a week to read up on budgeting, personal finance, debt, and other money stuff. Obviously I’d love to see you start with the blogs right here and across the Goalry family, but you can include a few other reputable sites as well just for variety if you choose. You’ll learn different methods to budget, innovative and practical ways to save money on an ongoing basis, and learn a little more each time about making the most of your resources and the options in front of you. Perhaps most importantly, you’ll find regular encouragement and be reminded that despite how it sometimes feels, you are NOT alone. 

Please note that this does NOT mean you’re “too focused on money” or “obsessed with finances.” Getting your oil changed regularly doesn’t mean you’re too obsessed with automobiles. Eating better doesn’t mean you have an unhealthy fixation on food. Keeping your home and yard clean and organized doesn’t suggest you’re in love with Lysol and lawnmowers. 

It’s called “taking responsibility,” and it’s something too many Americans don’t do these days. Maybe you’ve been guilty of it yourself here and there; I certainly have. 

Paying more attention to your finances and educating yourself isn’t misguided or selfish – it’s the adult thing to do. It demonstrates your willingness to step up and handle your business. It’s also a sign of love for those in your care. Of course money isn’t everything. Stuff isn’t family. We all know the disclaimers. But let’s not confuse a good bumper sticker with daily reality. Nothing says “I love you” like the ability to afford that doctor’s visit when it matters most. Few things demonstrate care and attention like new clothes and shoes for school or meals you don’t even have the option to supersize for 79 more cents. Personally, I’m a big fan of “yes, we can keep the electricity on this winter” as a preferred love language. 

Do you have a preferred method for keeping a personal or household budget? Great – let’s dust that off and see if we can improve it. Just getting started? That’s fine, too. Some folks like sticking with the basics – a laptop, an Excel spreadsheet, and an hour or so a week. You can manage a pretty effective budget with Excel and a little focus. 

One of my good friends uses an old-fashioned paper ledger. I don’t get it; he looks like Ebenezer Scrooge just before the first ghost shows up. But it works for him, so… that’s the important thing. Some folks prefer fancy software or expensive computer programs, especially if they run a small business or do substantial freelancing or online sales throughout the year. That’s not my thing, but again – if it’s what works for you, then that’s what works for you. 

I suppose I’m more of a “convenience” guy myself. In my mind, for any money makeover to be successful, it should be relatively easy to understand and maintain. There will be enough difficult choices in 2022 without having to figure out some complicated new approach to balancing my checkbook and tracking my spending. Plus, it’s the 21st century. We have a dozen different streaming services offering every movie and TV show that’s ever been made with the push of about three buttons. I spent my entire array of gift cards before my hot chocolate had cooled on Christmas morning – all without leaving the house. And my wife and I spend more time with our best friends on Facetime or Zoom or whatever we’re using this week than we did in person before the pandemic. 

Is it so crazy, then, to suspect that the best budgeting tools might be simple and technologically driven as well?

There are some pretty cool budgeting apps already out there. I’ve used several, and maybe you have, too. Many of them are easy to use, relatively versatile, and offer all sorts of cool features. When we first started kicking around the idea of offering our own budgeting app, we were determined not to simply duplicate what was already out there. We wanted something powerful enough to handle most any situation, but intuitive enough that you don’t need to have to study a manual for two hours to start using it. We like bells and whistles, but we wanted the focus to be on the most practical parts of maintaining an effective budget:

• It should be easy to keep track of your spending and categorize stuff as you go. If it takes longer than checking your social media or replying to a text, it’s too easy to tell yourself you’ll “enter it later.”

• It should be practical to access all of your accounts in one place – to know how much you have, where, at all times. Maybe even transfer funds from one to the other without eleventeen steps.

• The user should have control over the sorts of notifications and reminders they receive – warnings about unexpected activity in any of your accounts, or reminders about upcoming due dates.

• Simplified savings options and reminders to help little changes add up. Bonus points for projections of future balances or improvements based on recent behavior.

• Easy interaction with related financial apps and tools. My personal budgeting app should play nice with whatever other tools I choose to use.

I’ll be honest – there are technologies out there for which I simply do not see the appeal. I’m not knocking anyone’s favorite device, but personally I cannot imagine a scenario in which I want or need to check Facebook or my email ON my refrigerator. If I’m about to go to bed, I’d just as soon lock the doors and turn off the lights myself instead of going upstairs and doing it on my phone while I’m supposed to be tucking my child into bed. And if burglars are trying to break into my home while I’m on vacation, I’d probably call the police as soon as I found out instead of taking the time to mock them long-distance from my fancy doorbell speakers. 

Again, that’s just me. 

On the other hand, if a few clicks or swipes could update my monthly budget while I’m checking out at the grocery store, complete with labels or categories of my choosing… yeah, I’ll go for that. If my phone offers to let me know periodically that in reality I’m spending way more on lunch than I think but not nearly as much on gas, I’d find that rather useful. And a heads up that I’m about to run myself a bit short due to that repair I forgot about might save me a serious hit in overdraft charges or late fees. 

Technology doesn’t make important financial decisions for us, nor should it. The best technology helps us implement our financial decisions more effectively and conveniently. It makes the available information more accessible and available in a timely manner. It doesn’t control what we do – it just helps us do whatever we’re doing a bit better. 

Conclusion